


I Will RUIN You

by Twilight_Shadow_Songs



Category: Batman Beyond
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4961485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilight_Shadow_Songs/pseuds/Twilight_Shadow_Songs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many things run through J-Man's mind as he sits with a frienemy Nelson Nash. Prominent being how much he loves the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will RUIN You

I think I’m boned when it comes to my feelings for you. You with your perfect reddish hair and blue eyes and cocky smile. You, Nelson Nash, who thinks you’re so much better than I am because daddy can afford to get you a nice car and all I can afford is stealing face masks and a used purple tuxedo. What do I, J-Man, have to offer the man with woman hanging off his every word? Not much. Because yea, I think I love you. Cupid carries a fucking shotgun and hit me right between the fucking eyes when I saw you. Saw you the second time that is, when you punched me in the face for wrecking your car. Not that I regret wrecking it. 

I do regret becoming frienemies with you because now I have these feelings bottled up as we eat candied apples I scared off a couple of kids. I am such a bad influence on you and I want to be more. The worst influence, showing you every trick in the book and making you scream with need...I love you. I love every cock-sure attitude you pull. I love every look you sneak at me when you think you’re being clever and I love when we fight because I get to touch you. It’s the most horrid thing possible, wanting to hurt you just so I can feel my skin touching yours. But I want to. I want it to be so that doesn’t happen, but I don’t know what else to do. Tell you? It would make me die inside. I would be mortified. I love you, can’t tell you, don’t want to. Story of my fucking life.

I carry on like nothing’s wrong. Like my heart isn’t jumping out of my chest every time I see you with one of your girls. Like I’m not just compensating with one or the other of the Dee Dee twins. Or Dot. Like needing you isn’t keeping me up at night. Because I do need you. I need your hand in mine, your fingers tugging through my hair as they stroke it, you whispering my name like it’s a sacred word. I need you, I need that. I long for what I just shouldn’t touch. Because you’re better than me and while I might be bad for you, I would never pull you off your pedestal. 

You smile at me and my heart stops. We eat the candied apples in silence and I don’t know what I did to actually get a smile out of you. Was it for the candied apples? Not punching you today? Agreeing to hang out with you because you can’t stand a shitty household you hide from every world but the one we share, every person but me? I’m beneath you, I’m dirt. Don’t smile at me. The sun doesn’t shine on the ugly deep sea creatures so far below it. You shouldn’t make me hope. Yet I long for your smile now, your kindness. I almost toss my apple down and pull you into a kiss but I don’t. Instead I grin uncertainly back at you. 

“What?”

You shrug and smile wider. My heart is in my throat. This is so unfair of you!

“Oh...just, thanks for pulling me out of the house for a few hours, Jay” 

I nod at you, swallowing my heart back into my chest. I want to hug you. Can I hug you? I’m not going to hug you. Instead I just shrug back. “No problem” I say, and I sound so normal. So _fine_ , as though I’m not internally screaming. 

I want to take you far away from arguing parents who give you gifts to buy your love. Who taught you how to be selfish in everything you do and stupid when it comes to obvious things. I want to whisk you away and hide you somewhere. Somewhere only I know about. But if I do, what would I do to you? What would I put you through to force you to be mine? Those eyes would darken and your vibrant soul would break in half and I wouldn’t be able to fix you.

I leave you alone so I won’t lose you. Because losing you would break me and I can’t deal with that. Terminal has sort of guessed that I’m in love with you, and he teases me. Or did, till I kicked the wig-wearing multi-personalitied moron in the balls and threatened to tell his little idol Terrence McGinnis that he has an admirer. A creepy one who tried to kill his best friend once and then in counseling turned into another Two-Face. Terminal didn’t like that very much and his counterpart was mortified. Good, they should be. I will not be crossed, not by them and not when it comes to my heart and you. They will not break my heart for me. 

You slide off the car we were sitting on and offer me a hand down. I giggle because I’m not a lady, don’t need the help and it’s funny and heart-wrenching and treacherously hopeful all at once. I take your hand anyway and slide off. Both our faces are sticky with the candy from the apple and I long to kiss the candy off your face. Or maybe find a washcloth and gently wash it off your face. If anyone knew I thought this way about you I would never be able to live it down, but I don’t care. Not when it comes to you. Never. 

I realize you’re still holding my hand. I try to slide it out of your grip but your fingers close more tightly around mine. I don’t think my heart can handle all this hope. I should wake up because surely this is a dream. Idiot! Don’t lead me on! Don’t break my heart, please! I would force you to love me. I would lose myself and it would be because of you. I would destroy you and it would be your fault. You should be more careful, being around Jokerz. I am so crazy, I am. Or could be, if I am given a reason. You don’t want to be my reason.

Your face is unreadable and you lean down and fit your lips in the hole of my mask to go over my mouth. I give an unmanly squeak/scream and pull you closer, force your mouth open and I devour it. You taste like apple and chocolate candy. It makes sense, I pulled you out on Halloween night, I bet your highschool had a party and you took chocolate home with you. I know you love it, and I realize I love the taste of it on you. Finally I let you go and you stare at me, dazed. You don’t know what just happened. I smile faintly. 

 

I’m going to ruin you.


End file.
